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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 18:06:09 GMT -5
Since the forum has evolved and grown I thought I would reintroduce myself. As I started writing this up I saw it was quite long, too long for a single post. So I'm going to break it up. Roughly speaking I'll cover: childhood & teens, my 20s, my 30s & 40s, and what lies ahead. I hope some of you will find it interesting. Stay tuned.
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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 20:03:46 GMT -5
Introduction
Hello all. Since our community has grown and we've moved around I thought I would reintroduce myself.
While I don't consider this topic to be taboo, I realize much of the world does, so I have used pseudonyms online. A problem is I haven't always been consistent. I have most used "Guy Nickologist" which is a play on the word "gynecologist". I've also used "Menstrual Clinic", "Ceres39", "Cressy" and perhaps others I have forgotten about. I'm a boring engineer living in Texas with a family and an usual last name. I'd rather stay somewhat anonymous. I have revealed myself to some and even met one person face-to-face. I'm likely the only person in the state with my name and I'm trying to avoid embarrassment at work. :-)
I have wondered if I was crazy. I mean why would a man be so interested in this? But since it's never interfered with my life or driven bad behavior, I've never "sought help". If I was sneaking into ladies' rooms to take used pads or using Tinder to find bleeding women then I might reconsider. If you were to meet me in person you'd probably think I was the last person on earth to be this interested in periods.
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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 20:27:34 GMT -5
Part 1
I spent my eighth birthday at my grandmother's house. I was always bored out of my mind. I kept busy reading her vast book collection. This included two encyclopedia sets plus a bunch of other books I found in the basement. She had four daughters, so some of the books were about girls growing up. Despite my age I was hooked. I thought women's bodies were so cool while men's were boring. Why would an 8 year-old think that? I could probably keep a team of therapists busy unraveling that one.
However, my interest goes back even further. One of my earliest memories was going to the mall with my mom. She was trying on clothes. Being a young boy (I'm guessing roughly five years-old, I can't say for sure) I was a little rambunctious and was climbing under the partitions of the changing rooms. Several were empty, but then I came to one that wasn't. A very pregnant woman was standing there in just a bra and panties. I don't know if she saw me. I thought she was very pretty. Since I did have a younger sister I understood there was a baby inside her. Again, not sure what was going on, but I couldn't take my eyes off her.
I know this forum is about periods, but I had a broader interest in all things gynecological. If I had to rank my sub interests, menstruation would be at the top.
I don't know how I didn't go crazy before the Internet. I remember always being bored. I was a straight A student. I was involved in various activities. But I still seemed to have a lot of time on my hands. I liked to flip through my mom's women's magazines. This added to my education. I picked up on monthly cycles sometime in junior high school. Some women have told me I'm full of it, but after spending a lot of time, daily, with girls/women, I believe I was able to pick up on subtle clues.
I never thought to myself "Wow, that b**** is on the rag!" nothing like that. I knew when women teachers would be more happy and mellow and when I didn't want to push my luck. I forgot homework and she was ovulating? Maybe I could charm my way out of it? I preferred women teachers because I felt like I could read them better.
As I got into high school two things stand out that made me start to think I wasn't wired like everyone else.
We were a food court and my friends caught me checking out a pregnant woman. I didn't think I was ever going to live that down.
A second episode was our cross country team. Boys and girls wore skimpy uniforms. Most everyone wore underwear under their shorts, they had built-in briefs, but not all. I wasn't being a voyeur, it was pretty obvious. The girls were doing "butterfly stretches" where they put the soles of their feet together and pressed down on their knees. One girl, who was very skinny, even for a runner meaning her shorts weren't snug, was pantiless and I still swear to this day I could see a string hanging out. After the meet I had to tell someone, so I did, and he thought I was gross, had lost my mind, and what the "f" was wrong with me.
I always liked to experiment and to collect data. I really wished I had been born a girl because I was curious how my grades or running performance would change during my cycle. But obviously that wasn't happening.
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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 20:28:28 GMT -5
Part 2
I'm off at college. I worked an office job while going to school. I sat in a "bullpen" with about a dozen women. I was the only man in the area and one of the few on the entire floor. Given most of these women were under 40 it seemed like at least one was always pregnant. And the gyn/period talk never ended. I just kept working. Every now and then a woman would say something, realize I was there, and then would blush and apologize. I just pretended I was focused on work. In reality I was taking it all in.
Over the 3 years I worked there two of the women who were pregnant told me way, way more than I ever thought I wanted to know about pregnancy. One of them was single and kept hinting about wanting someone in the delivery room with her. However by then I was no longer the dorky virgin I was when I started (still dorky, not a virgin) and had a girlfriend. Both women said I was very easy to talk to.
The woman I dated had absolutely no PMS whatsoever. She was also lousy and tracking her period. One night in my apartment her eyes opened as wide as dinner plates and she told me I needed to go to the store. NOW! That was kind of cool. But it kept happening. I made subtle suggestions like a calendar. Or keeping some pads in her purse or even at my place. She said I sounded like her mother.
My next girlfriend was the polar opposite. She'd throw furniture, would go from giggling to crying to shrieking in a matter of minutes. That relationship didn't last long.
Until I met my wife years later I was solo. It started to hit me again I wasn't like anyone else. My guy friends were now getting married, living with women, etc. One was disgusted at the sight of the box of (unused) tampons under the sink. Another hated when his wife hung a bra to dry over the shower curtain rod. Still another didn't understand why he had to be in the delivery room when his wife gave birth. To me that was all part of sharing your life with a woman. What was wrong with these guys? Or was it me?
I finally got married. I'm in my late 20s. My interest in periods, pregnancy, gynecology, etc. was at an all-time high, but I didn't want my wife to think she married a sexual deviant. I was really, really confused. But the dot-com era saved me. I started searching. I learned there were hundreds, maybe thousands, of like-minded people out there.
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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 20:29:01 GMT -5
Part 3
My interest started to come and go. I'm thinking once I was into my 30s, had a child, career was taking off, testosterone not pumping quite as much, it kind of took the edge off. But out of the blue it would come back as strong as ever.
I realized it was tied to stress. The more stressed I was, the more my interest became an outlet for me.
I'm reluctant to use the word "fetish". To me that has a 100% sexual connotation while my interest is only partly sexual. It's not a "hobby" either. It is partially an "academic interest" but there's still the sexual part.
The dot-com era busted. Every other week it seemed I needed to find a new free email provider. The whole family shared a Windows 98 (maybe 2000?) computer with dial-up. I had to be extremely careful what I did on it. Eventually I got my own computer. I'd go online as "Guy Nickologist" then I'd lose interest, forget my login, come back online as "Menstrual Clinic" and the same thing would happen. Or the forum I was on closed. Or the free email service collapsed. And there's been a time or two I just got disgusted with myself for spending so much time online talking about this stuff that I nuked everything and walked away from it, even spending 2 to 3 years away.
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Post by guynickologist on Sept 26, 2017 20:29:36 GMT -5
Part 4
If I had been born a woman my reproductive organs would be in the process of shutting down right about now. I still have something of an interest, but whenever I explore it I feel like it's nothing new. There hasn't been some fascinating breakthrough on periods.
What I have done is tried to unravel what all of this even means.
I have no memory of this, but there was a lot of family turmoil and drama at the time I was born. Could that have affected me?
My mother and both my grandmothers were cold. Not nurturing at all. I had recently uncovered a bunch of photos of my mom's side of the family. My mom, her mother, and her mother all look like ice maidens. Maybe pregnant women symbolize nurturing, something lacking in my upbringing?
Could my physical stress symptoms (headaches, moodiness, back pain, sleeplessness, etc.) resemble PMS symptoms? Maybe uterus envy is real? Stress reminds me of PMS which attracts me to periods? Or maybe I wish I had periods so I could blame my hormones?
Feminine hygiene ads promise comfort. Protection. Confidence. In the meantime, 14 year-old me was supposed to be a man, be tough, etc. I would have liked a little comfort, protection, and confidence.
I still enjoy talking about periods. The photos and videos, well, some interest, but no longer my primary focus.
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